Friendship is an odd thing, sometimes it just happens in a second, and other times it takes years for it to develop. And sometimes it doesn’t happen at all despite all possible attempts being done.
Sadly enough I seem to be one of those people who cant keep friends for a long time.
When I hear or read about people that have been friends for almost their whole life I truly wonder how they do it, and I also feel a sting of jealousy, not nice I know but I cant help it!
As some of you know we are in Madrid visiting friends, they were my hubbys friends from the beginning but have also during the years become mine as well, some have become closer than others while others have become enjoyable acquaintances.
The friend we are visiting for the moment is normally a person I would be green of envy for her successful life and lifestyle and therefore dislike automatically because of my jealousy.
She is a woman that seem to have it all, a huge flat in the centre of Madrid, with terraces that looks like they are taken out of a gardening magazine, same thing with her interior decoration style, no matter how much I have tried, and trust me I have tried, I cant find something that isn’t absolutely effing gorgeous, she has two cars, a nanny for her kid, a closet that would make any fashionista cry of envy and on top of that a job people would kill for.
But do you know what! She is the most humble and loving person I have met in many, many years!
And she deserves absolutely everything she have, she is working her gorgeous behind off to make sure her adopted daughter is getting the best in life and all the chances she didn’t have herself as a kid.
She has a heart and love that is enormous, not only for her child but also for her friends and she is always ready to help whenever you might need it no matter what.
She and my hubby have been friends for a very long time and the minute he introduced me she took me to her heart as well without knowing me very much.
For her it was enough that he loved me and I loved him back and had made the decision to spend the rest of my life with him.
But back to me and friendships, for some reason, like I said earlier I don’t seem to be able to keep friends for a long time no matter how much I care about them!
I listen to them when they are down, I support them immensely when they try different things, no matter if it is a style change or a career change, to put it simple I am always there for them no matter what, ok I am what they call a straight shooter so I always tell the truth even if it might be a little harsh from time to time, but I always do it out of love and respect for them, and I would never say a thing I know would hurt them.
When and if I criticise I do it in a way I know the person can handle, and I always ask if it is ok that I speak my mind and warn them that it might be a little hard.
So I never just blurp things out without thinking how it will be received. And when I know a person cant take it or are open for the truth I simply keep it to myself.
Because there is no meaning in telling the truth simply to satisfy your own importance. Truth as well as friends should be handled with care.
And so far the friends that have passed through my life seem to have appreciated my way of being a friend, unfortunately I have never received the same treatment back.
I am a quite strong person and it takes a lot to bring me down and usually I am able to bring my self back, but the few times I haven’t and have reached out for help, my friends have all of a sudden disappeared without a trace or simply ignored me or blamed it on not having time.
And when I finally have gotten myself up and back again they have all reappeared as nothing ever happened and expected everything to be as usual.
For many years I thought the blame was mine, that I had to high demands on how friends should be and act towards each other, or that I perhaps was asking for to much! But with age I have realized that’s not the case.
Now I am going to pat myself a little on the back and say that I am a hell of a good friend to hold on to when times are rough because I give support, comfort, love, respect and much, much more.
If you are my friend and you need me all you have to do is whistle and I will be there no matter what.
That is how I was taught friendship was supposed to be.
What I sadly didn’t get taught was that there are people out there who are drawn to strong people like me and use them for validation to feel better about themselves, but when needed simply abandon the ship like the famous rats.
Unfortunately it has shown itself that most of my friends have been just like that, but I haven’t seen it because I haven’t had the need for their support or comfort.
Today I am almost out of friends, the few ones left are still there because I haven’t asked them for help, and honestly I am afraid of doing so if I ever would need it.
I think I got my last and final lesson a little while ago when I asked someone I really felt close to and admired very much for advice and a tiny bit of support, and all I got was silence.
Perhaps I am asking for to much? I don’t know, perhaps that’s how friendship is supposed to be? One is always the supporter and validator while the other one is the receiver.
For me that is a new and quite scary thought, as I always acted from the point that friendship is a two way street...
What is an even more unpleasant discovery is to realize that some members of my own family is having the same behaviour, when it gets hard they simply disappear from the radar until they need something!
Perhaps it is a bit drastic, even melodramatic, but I have decided to simply cut these people out of my life. It is not something done hasty and without much thinking about it! On the contrary!
But I don’t see why I should keep people in my life that only have me for either validation, admiration or financial things! But don’t give a damn about me otherwise whether I am dead or alive.
Well I suppose if I died some would care a lot how much they would, and could get out of my estate.
Unfortunately I am married so it wouldn’t be much for them to cash in, plus I am quite sure my hubby would give me a very nice headstone without trying to save a penny or two regarding the inscription or the stone itself.