Today my heart feels a bit low, memories coming and going and the more I try to not remember, more and more comes back to me. I feel a bit like the famous, but poor moth drawn to the light that finally will kill it…
Maybe it’s because I finally started my little secret blog yesterday, yes I know it might sound like teasing but it is more of an explanation to why all the memories are flooding over me.
Earlier I heard someone outside on the street speaking Swedish and I did the most childish thing!?
I played Carola on really high volume in some sort of desperate attempt to tell them that there was another Swede close by… For some odd reason they were talking about the rain forest, not the most given subject considering I live in the middle of the center in one of the oldest neighborhood in the town and there is not a tree as long you can see, just narrow and hot streets leading you round and round in a circle.
Right now I’m doing the most egocentrically thing…
I am listening to myself on Soundcloud, mostly because I uploaded a song I recorded after my sister died but never really made public. It was a little too close to home. And to be a bit creepy this is one of the songs I want to be played on my own funeral, not with me singing but by someone else and just a simple guitar as an instrument.
I have become so incredibly bored with some of the social media, mostly FB and Instagram. People are working their little butts off to be seen, sometimes I wonder if anyone really cares, despite all the thumbs up and cute little hearts.
Perhaps I’m not the right person to say this, but people come off as total egomaniacs. It is all about look at me, no matter the cost.
The funny thing is that the ones you, i.e. me want to see or hear something from never writes anything; it is just total radio silence from them. And I am tired of reaching out.
Actually sometimes I wonder if I should leave FB, there is really no need for me to be there now when my mother is gone. I just returned in case something would happen to her and people needed to contact me quickly.
Well, I suppose time will tell, for some reason it has a tendency to do just that.