Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Friends, Family and Expectations

Yesterday I was editing the post so it just became about how I felt regarding my “discovery” and took away the things I wrote about shopping and eating out with my hubby.

Because when I read it through a bit later, I realized it sounded somewhat crazy. One minute I am talking about an emotional discovery and the next it’s about clothes. I think it was because I still had the intentional thought that this new blog should be like the old one I used to have. A mix of sarcasm, funniness, sometimes a bit bitchy but still with some seriousness built in to it.

So the post yesterday, or rather the first part of it was more intended for my other “secret” blog where I write about things concerning my family and other things that are more serious, and way more revealing considering I don’t have any filter when I write. I simply tell the truth and unfortunately it is quite ugly and anything but nice.

In my old blog I always tried to maintain and keep up a certain picture of myself as glamorous and living on the sunny side of life, and yes I do have a very fortunate life and I am immensely grateful for it. But there has also been a lot of disappointment, emotional pain and rejection at the same time.

Sometimes it feels like I had to pay a very high price for happiness, perhaps the people involved think it is my own fault but honestly I don’t think so.

I have no intention of exposing anyone or telling the shit that has been going on for so long.

All those things will be told in my other blog, and the reason for that is simply something stupid called decency and that I feel things finally needs to come out in the light.

The only ones that will get access to it are a couple of relatives, and only if they are interested in how things really are!

But now am I going to do one of my famous froggy jumps from one subject to another...

And this time it is about friendships and relations you have with people you know on social media...

Yesterday when I wrote on Facebook that I was going to have a little “vacation” I somehow expected a little more than a thumbs up from my hubby, I don’t have many friends on FB and I confess I am not the best at sending little thumbs or other things that you obviously are supposed to do if you want to be seen as a "good" friend. Maybe the fault is mine, but I did expect a little more of a reaction to my post. But not one single comment or even an emoji.

Honestly I don’t know why I expected anything, considering I never get any reaction what so ever when I share one of my songs. Not even to the ones that are more or less a mini porno movie, like Sweet Harmony!

I remember how disappointed and hurt I felt in the beginning when I started singing three or four years ago again, and uploaded my songs and videos on every bloody site there was for sharing music.

I can understand YouTube where there are thousands and thousands of people doing exactly the same thing as I do, so it is not strange if I drown in all the “competition”.

But I did honestly, and perhaps a bit naively believe that people I was friends with on FB would show some sort of reaction, but there was nothing... not even a bad reaction!

I have gotten more attention in the form of sharing, downloading and little hearts on Soundcloud, a site where I know absolutely no one! I even have a couple of followers which I find amazing considering I don’t have that many songs, and many of them are in a genre that is considered old fashioned. The same thing on Tindeck and Vimeo, other sites where you can share your work

The only form of attention I’ve got on FB regarding my singing is from my husband, which is quite a given and therefore not really valid.

Perhaps it is because I have worked semi professionally in the artistic field and therefore know how important it is with some sort of validation of what you do, no matter how crappy it might be...

So in the cases where I have seen my “friends” on FB do something in the artistic field I have done my very best to find something to say even if it has been shitty bad. There is a million things you can say without actually saying anything at all about whether it is good or bad. Whereas silence is a killer.

Despite the fact knowing that I am quite good at what I do, I don’t think I would have been offered acting roles or asked to join bands or choirs if I didn’t have some sort of talent, and yes I am fully aware that this come off as bragging in its purest form.

But when you don’t even get a reaction from your own family or closest friends then you start doubting yourself.

Thankfully I am equipped with a quite thick skin; it has however and unfortunately been thinner than usual for a while because of my mother’s passing, family matters and a bad health on top of that...

But if I may give you an advice regarding FB and what people are posting!

The next time you see someone posting something they have created or done themselves regardless if it is a poem, ugly drawing, a song, a photograph or a badly shaped cup of clay from their expensive pottery class... take those few seconds of your so very, very busy life and give them a thumbs up, I promise it will make their day and you will look like you care even if you don’t! 

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